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...but I won't. Long time no see, huh? During my no-so-planned break I've been...

-doing loads of burlesque shows! I am SO alive once I step onto the stage. For this autumn I still have three more shows to do, one of them on next Saturday HERE. If you are in Rovaniemi and still don't know what to do, head to our awesome burlesque event. I've seen almost all the performances and I can promise a great variety within performances.

-started a new relationship! And never been happier, can't almost believe how easy it can be with someone. No stress, no anxiety. Just pure happiness. For now :D But, furtheron I shall call him Mr. Hearse (yes, he DOES have one!!!). What else. Well, other great stuff about him (alongside with the hearse, heehee) is that he really gets my weirdness and does not feel uncomfortable with all my skulls and bones, actually he found a fox skull and brought it to me, how romantic is that? He really likes old horror movies, old American cars and LOVES the fact that I do burlesque. Match made in...hell-ish I guess.

-Did some DIY! I found these cherubs from flea and instantly got an idea to decorate them "a bit". Here they are:

Here still on progress. And then...

Meet my boys. Have to say, I am quite pleased how they turned out!

Mr. Hedggie is still just chillin' and rollin' on. Yesturday he slept quite a bit on my lap, and I just couldn't resist taking a photo. He's been living here with us for...almost three years and I still am amazed how adorable he is.

He really is my darling.

I've also hunted! Did not get the moose I wanted, but two hazel grouses and one black grouse met their end with my shotgun. RIP all of you.

I have two shows on Saturday's Halloween special, and this is one of those two. The other one...includes some bones. We'll see. :D

For the very end, I'd love to share a Nemi strip with you. This was posted on my Facebook. Can't imagine why...

Facts about me

1. My mom is OBSESSED with organizing things. Well, I am not. And atm we are having a fight about it :D

2. I hate leak.

3. I freak out if I see a clown, thanks to movie "It"

4. I rarely remember any of my dreams and when I do, they are 100% fucked up.

5. I was a huge Nirvana-fangirl at high school

6. I love funny things, like picking up cool stuff from the ground (pins, stickers, u name it), squeezing blueberries until they burst all the juice, the feeling when you get your socks off and slip your feet under the blanket...

7. I am impulsive and I get quickly tired of everything. Wonder why I have screwed up so many relationships? :D

8. Then again I am super loyal to my dearest friends and to my family. For example, I travelled through the night and over 900 km just to see my friend since I knew she needed me.

9. I am pessimist, cynical and kinda misanthropic. But still, I yearn to love and to be loved. Atm only by Mr. Hedggie, but he is doing a great job <3

10. I have started to eat more fish. I have lived by a lake for my entire_life and I just hated the smell and taste of fish. This is on progress..

Blurry life

My life is so damn hectic atm. I just travel most of the time from one place to another - it seems too hard to settle down anywhere. I also love the feeling of GOING somewhere. The little itch when you know, that the next few days are going to be full of new places, new people and it feels so refreshing. I can't stop myself from snapping a billion photos onto the Instagram just for the need to share those precious moments with the people I know. I want to tell them that this is me, although it has been hidden for the last 4 years. It was so good to feel like myself again, after all those years filled with anxiety and the feeling of being lost, not being the girl I really am.

And then who I am? According this very cute Facebook test I am like Peter Pan. And yup, that's how I feel like and always have felt. Untamed, wild, hungry for memories to cherish and sharing them with the people close to you. Desperatly consious of all the bad things in the world, but still trying to enjoy it. Achingly aware of my short time on this planet, and trying to do my very best to get everything the world has to offer for me. In good, but also the bad.

Now I would love to share some of my Insta-highlights with you guys. Just remember:

"But we have only one life to live, just one opportunity
And failure is not the end of the world, that's just society!"

(Woods of ypres - Career suicide)

 

Meet Ms. Occulto and some news

I promised to share more photos with you as soon as I get them. These were taken for a local magazine, as an advertisement for our burlesque group Midnight Sun Burlesque since we are performing on the Old Market-event in Rovaniemi. Theme was naturally old times and especially the War of Lapland. I tried my very best! All photos are taken by Kimmo Pallari/Roi Foto, thanks!

 Clothing: A vintage dress (it was my great-aunts!), mom's shoes and my brothers military cap.

Clothing: Skirt made by my mother (in 70's I think), apron also made by mom, shirt made by a relatives wife in 70's. All vintage!

And then the news. I broke up with my bf, moved back to live with my parents for a while and now I am just wondering what the hell I am going to do with my life, how an Earth I'll find the motivation to continue my master thesis and will I ever get a job and grow up. I am actually not sad, just pissed up, big time. Luckily I have Mr. Hedggie by my side <3

Taking a nap. Just look at those tiny plumpy paws! <3 _____ <3

So this is what I've been up lately. Some nice things as well: been working like crazy so in a minute I'll get a nice pile of cash, all the burlesque things are super exciting and I've got tickets for THREE festivals! Phew. Life is not good atm, but I'll try my very best to enjoy it.

My alter ego, Olivia Occulto

All these gorgeus photos are taken by my dear friend Sereijan <3 Artistic view is offered by my other dear friend and partner in time, Maria. Love you both <3

Would you like to see some more material from ms. Occulto? I probably will get some more every now and then but I am just no sure if this is the kind of post you wish to read.

About mind, body and other difficulties

Lately I've sacrificed far too many thoughts about my looks, my weight and my body. Serious issues which I thougt I had already made peace with. Still these things keep popping out from somewhere I have no clue.

I have been seriously ill with eating disorder, for 8 awful years I did nothing but sum all the ridiculous and miserable calories I "ate" during the day and tried desperately to get rid of everything extra fat I think I had. If I had a chance to meet 12-year old me, I'd slap her. Hard. Stupid, stupid, selfish and thoughtless girl. Why on Earth you want to treat your body so bad when it is the only one you will ever have?

After 12 year I still wake up time to time and feel too fat, feel bad about my kilos and want to lose weight and be that same fairy-like creature I used to be. But nah, I am just too lazy this time. And I wasn't happy at all even though I was tiny as... well, tiny. Tiny with big depression. But guess what, my weight, measurements or any physical feature won't tell anything about my value as a person.

I have developed a new ideology with my body: treat it well. I think that the image we are given nowadays about our bodies is just totally wrong. Body is not something you should try to fit into some kind of standard or mould. Body is not fixable, and why fix something that is not broken? This is just plain horrible, the idea that there is always something that could be better, fitter on bit more this or that. No, I think that I am just perfect now. I don't want and I don't need to change my body. All I want is to do every effort to make it healthy and functionable. Therefore I eat lots of veggies, fruits but also some chocolate. I go outside and take a walk in the park or in the forest. I cherish it with natural medicine such as rose root, passion flower and Omega-3s. I want to tell my body: I like you no matter what, you do so much for me. And I want to take back all those years when all I gave you was malnutrition, pain and exhaustion.

My advice to everyone: go swim. It's just amazing how you fell under the water. It's all silent, there is nothing but the water and you and your body that keeps going forward, all your muscles working. That is how amazing your body is, if you just let it be.

Greetings from someone who learned how to swim properly just one year ago o/

Peace.

Me on May Day, can you guess who I was imitating?

Me? Master of social sciences? Whoa.

So, some of you guys wanted to hear more about my master thesis. I am a bit early with my graduating, but I think it's just better. I really can't understand how some people manage to hang at the university so long, I am getting so bored since I am running out of courses. That was the main reason for me to start to do my master so early. With very little effort (reading some books and then writing an essay) I have done all the necessary courses for this year, and I fell I've been SO lazy. But, only courses I have to take any more are the practical one (ongoing), one or two philosophy courses (probably I'll do them next spring after master thesis is done) and two courses from sociology. That's it, my carieer at the uni.

But again to the subject. I'll study metal sub-culture in my master thesis, and furthermore satanism and so called "metal satanism". It is a term developed by Merja Hermonen, a academic from theology who did her doctoral thesis about Satan worshipping and she divided satanism into different classes and metal satanism is one of them. In a nutshell, according to Hermonen metal satanism is a ideological form of music, that takes influences from Scandinavian and other heroic mythologies and critises the humanity, faith and religion. However, I did not buy the term "satanism", since this category included myself and I don't want to be called satanist or any kind of -ist. I started to wonder, wether other people within this category felt the same I did and there it was, question and the subject for my thesis. My professor really liked my idea and atm I have send the interviews and got couple of them back. I need to do one more essay about my thesis and the plan about the study process.

The best thing of course is the literature I'll use. Lords of chaos, Evolution of the cult...can't get much better.

Do you have some questions about this process? I am more than happy to answer :)

Ps. I probably have not told you about my latest hobby? I started my burlesque carieer couple of months ago and now I've done two shows. This is just fan-tastic! If you would loke to learn more about my alter ego, Olivia Occulto, her page can be found on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/oliviaocculto

All the burlesque stuff is the main reason I have not written for a long time. It is just brilliant, fun..and very consuming :D All I want to do is craft pasties endlessly, or plan new shows. Dear God, I hope this is only a phaze because if I am this crazy about showing my boobs 24/7, I'll never get my thesis done.