I promised to share more photos with you as soon as I get them. These were taken for a local magazine, as an advertisement for our burlesque group Midnight Sun Burlesque since we are performing on the Old Market-event in Rovaniemi. Theme was naturally old times and especially the War of Lapland. I tried my very best! All photos are taken by Kimmo Pallari/Roi Foto, thanks!
Clothing: A vintage dress (it was my great-aunts!), mom's shoes and my brothers military cap.
Clothing: Skirt made by my mother (in 70's I think), apron also made by mom, shirt made by a relatives wife in 70's. All vintage!
And then the news. I broke up with my bf, moved back to live with my parents for a while and now I am just wondering what the hell I am going to do with my life, how an Earth I'll find the motivation to continue my master thesis and will I ever get a job and grow up. I am actually not sad, just pissed up, big time. Luckily I have Mr. Hedggie by my side <3
Taking a nap. Just look at those tiny plumpy paws! <3 _____ <3
So this is what I've been up lately. Some nice things as well: been working like crazy so in a minute I'll get a nice pile of cash, all the burlesque things are super exciting and I've got tickets for THREE festivals! Phew. Life is not good atm, but I'll try my very best to enjoy it.
All these gorgeus photos are taken by my dear friend Sereijan <3 Artistic view is offered by my other dear friend and partner in time, Maria. Love you both <3
Would you like to see some more material from ms. Occulto? I probably will get some more every now and then but I am just no sure if this is the kind of post you wish to read.
Lately I've sacrificed far too many thoughts about my looks, my weight and my body. Serious issues which I thougt I had already made peace with. Still these things keep popping out from somewhere I have no clue.
I have been seriously ill with eating disorder, for 8 awful years I did nothing but sum all the ridiculous and miserable calories I "ate" during the day and tried desperately to get rid of everything extra fat I think I had. If I had a chance to meet 12-year old me, I'd slap her. Hard. Stupid, stupid, selfish and thoughtless girl. Why on Earth you want to treat your body so bad when it is the only one you will ever have?
After 12 year I still wake up time to time and feel too fat, feel bad about my kilos and want to lose weight and be that same fairy-like creature I used to be. But nah, I am just too lazy this time. And I wasn't happy at all even though I was tiny as... well, tiny. Tiny with big depression. But guess what, my weight, measurements or any physical feature won't tell anything about my value as a person.
I have developed a new ideology with my body: treat it well. I think that the image we are given nowadays about our bodies is just totally wrong. Body is not something you should try to fit into some kind of standard or mould. Body is not fixable, and why fix something that is not broken? This is just plain horrible, the idea that there is always something that could be better, fitter on bit more this or that. No, I think that I am just perfect now. I don't want and I don't need to change my body. All I want is to do every effort to make it healthy and functionable. Therefore I eat lots of veggies, fruits but also some chocolate. I go outside and take a walk in the park or in the forest. I cherish it with natural medicine such as rose root, passion flower and Omega-3s. I want to tell my body: I like you no matter what, you do so much for me. And I want to take back all those years when all I gave you was malnutrition, pain and exhaustion.
My advice to everyone: go swim. It's just amazing how you fell under the water. It's all silent, there is nothing but the water and you and your body that keeps going forward, all your muscles working. That is how amazing your body is, if you just let it be.
Greetings from someone who learned how to swim properly just one year ago o/
So, some of you guys wanted to hear more about my master thesis. I am a bit early with my graduating, but I think it's just better. I really can't understand how some people manage to hang at the university so long, I am getting so bored since I am running out of courses. That was the main reason for me to start to do my master so early. With very little effort (reading some books and then writing an essay) I have done all the necessary courses for this year, and I fell I've been SO lazy. But, only courses I have to take any more are the practical one (ongoing), one or two philosophy courses (probably I'll do them next spring after master thesis is done) and two courses from sociology. That's it, my carieer at the uni.
But again to the subject. I'll study metal sub-culture in my master thesis, and furthermore satanism and so called "metal satanism". It is a term developed by Merja Hermonen, a academic from theology who did her doctoral thesis about Satan worshipping and she divided satanism into different classes and metal satanism is one of them. In a nutshell, according to Hermonen metal satanism is a ideological form of music, that takes influences from Scandinavian and other heroic mythologies and critises the humanity, faith and religion. However, I did not buy the term "satanism", since this category included myself and I don't want to be called satanist or any kind of -ist. I started to wonder, wether other people within this category felt the same I did and there it was, question and the subject for my thesis. My professor really liked my idea and atm I have send the interviews and got couple of them back. I need to do one more essay about my thesis and the plan about the study process.
The best thing of course is the literature I'll use. Lords of chaos, Evolution of the cult...can't get much better.
Do you have some questions about this process? I am more than happy to answer :)
Ps. I probably have not told you about my latest hobby? I started my burlesque carieer couple of months ago and now I've done two shows. This is just fan-tastic! If you would loke to learn more about my alter ego, Olivia Occulto, her page can be found on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/oliviaocculto
All the burlesque stuff is the main reason I have not written for a long time. It is just brilliant, fun..and very consuming :D All I want to do is craft pasties endlessly, or plan new shows. Dear God, I hope this is only a phaze because if I am this crazy about showing my boobs 24/7, I'll never get my thesis done.
As years have gone by, I have noticed some changes in my thoughts about style and clothes. First: comfortable is the key word. I don't enjoy my evening sitting in a corset I cannot breathe in (hence the burlesque events) or shoes that are just killing my feet. Nope, I want to wear nice clothes I feel comfortable in and the most important: clothes that tell who I am.
My style inspirations atm are:
-Occult, schock. I just love all these draped jersey stuff they are selling in every place. I made a small order to H&M webstore, and it included:
This tunic is almost like a tarot card. I liked it and will wear it with leather leggings and combat boots.
I am most likely too damn short for this dress but I will try it!
-Rings! Loads of them! I saw these stone-like rings on H&M and they were not too expensive. Come to mama.
Even more rings, I liked the combination of silver, gunmetal and...gold?
All pics ahead are from hm.com
-Large hoods, paganic dresses and tops
This is from Gina Tricot, I saw one alike on H&M but they were sold out. I was desperate to find similar one somewhere and finally found it from GT. Pic from ginatricot.com
Oh man this master thesis is killing me. First of 3 essays is now done, 3 more to go and 30 pages to write. My subject is metal satanism (according one researcher) and do the people within black metal-scene think this is a proper concept to describe themselves or their relationshio to the music they listen to. Well that was one monster for a sentence, but in a nutshell that's what I am doing my thesis about. Right now I am going through all the possible literature about black metal, and atm I own three books: Lords of Chaos, Blod eld och död and my latest baby:
I think that with these studies and my own I will be able to graduate from sociology, finally.
I got this challenge ages ago from lovely Horros and finally I have the time and inspiration to do this. Here we go. 10 meaningful albums of my life.
1. Queen - A night at the opera
I can't describe how much I love Queen's music. It's full of expression, So powerful and yet so vulnerable. What kind of musician the whole world lost when Freddie died, R.I.P dear fella.
2. Nightwish - Wishmaster
This music was actually my first touch into the metal music. I remember when I got this album on my birthday and since that I played it over and over again. At the age of 10 :3 My teacher started to cry when I took this album to school, she was... well, a fanatic Christian.
3. Tori Amos - Little Earthquakes
I remember listening this album when I was on 3rd class of high school. Not good time for me, I was really sick and so tired. This album gave me some strenght back then.
4. Diablo - Eternium
Diablo was actually my first step into the darker, harder metal. I was...16 years old when I first started to listen this kind of music. So it was not anymore hc-teenage angst, thank God :D It was mostly because of my boyfriend I got into the metal music but I am happy for it. This music has given me so much, friends, life, strength to be my own self.
I could not find the full album, but here's one track from it!
5. Gorgoroth - Antichrist
This band was propably my first touch to black metal. I heard it and it had me. Still on that (left hand) path theehee! :D
6. Satyricon - Volcano
This band was with Gorgoroth first bm-bands I started to listen regularly. Satyricon is not so my thing anymore, but I remember my first bm-gig, it was Satyricon's and I loved it with my every cell!
7. Archgoat - Whore of Betlehem
Once I got known to bm, that was it. I knew it was SO my thing. It escalated with this album, even after all these years this album gets me excited! (not in THAT way you filthy-minded darklings)
8. God Seed - I begin
Gaahl.I am a hopeless fan girl, do I need to say anything more?
9. Burzum - Filosofem
I think that this album does not need any excuses. It's just brilliant in every possible way.
10. Spice Girls- Spiceworld.
I rest my case.
+BONUS:
This takes me to the fantasy world in which I wish to live in.
Hi there. I've been gone for ages but now I feel like it is time to come back. But in a nutshell, I was so lost with my future, what should I do when I feel horribly miserable in my current city and all I do is long back to the north. I almost moved back to my home but then again it is time for me to stop running away all the problems that I and no one else has developed for oneself. It does not matter where I live, these things just keep haunting me for rest of mylife if I don't stood up and face them. So, I decided to stay. I don't want to live so far away from my Viking (<3) and then again I am so used to live in town so in a long term the country-living would drive me nuts since all I got to do is just my master thesis and nothing else. Well, I am going to spend some time at my parents since I've got a job for summer and September, but the rest of my summer is most likely going to be very busy with travelling around Finland and cooking festival food for hungry, drunk people :D
But, the point if this post is my past that is fortunately only past now. I used to be very sick just 5-6 years ago and these photos are from that era.
At these times I was nothing but skin and bones and sure as hell I don't miss this. Sometimes I feel anxious about my weight but then again I try to remember how much I have to be grateful of. I am healthy, I've got two legs and pair of arms, I can walk and function like a human being is supposed to. I need to cherish and love my body and give every possible attention for it. It has deserved it.
